Wednesday, October 29, 2008

In which, once again, my acts of heroism go unappreciated

I was at Zellers today and I made a new friend. Having once worked in a children's library, I can never completely abandon my sense of responsibility for all children, and I am constantly on the lookout for unattended ones. The little boy I found today was demonstrably lost and crying, and when I asked him, "Are you OK? Do you need help finding your mom?" he stretched his hand up to my silently as if to say, thank God you are finally here.

Anticlimactically, when we found her just a few seconds later, all she did was yell at him. Boring!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

I enjoyed this list of library ghosts, from Especially Lola (first bullet), who "helps find missing items." Is she the ghost of a librarian? One library in New Jersey issued a card for their resident ghost, which I think is very considerate, especially if she got the fee waived.

The Strathcona library in Edmonton is allegedly haunted, although I know very little about since I have yet to ever go on a ghost tour of old Strathcona. Maybe this year will be the year I finally make it.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

And immediately afterward I was like, "I'm putting that on my blog."

[James and i are discussing a tract of houses near my place that are SO ghetto and right on the river-valley so it's hard to believe they haven't been turned into condos.]

Jocelyn: But they don't look empty. I mean, they have lights on and stuff. [Pause] It's not like they're full of squatters. Unless the squatters have lights. You know, squatters' lights.

Monday, October 20, 2008

In which I grow nostalgic for a time before I was born

I am watching season 2 of The Muppet Show right now and it consistently blows my mind. The pace of writing and production must have been absolutely frenetic, and the writing is so consistently funny and weird and cheezy, it's awesome. The episode with Rudolph Nureyev is pure gold:

I think this is from the good old days of television, when celebrities were actually expected to have talents, rather than just to appear on talk shows and talk about their opinions on natural childbirth, or macrobiotic eating, or whatever. I mean, I know Nureyev is a dancer, but still: NOBODY can tap-dance anymore. Every celebrity guest on The Muppet Show can sing and/or dance and/or act, or make balloon animals, or at least smile good-naturedly while the Muppets make puns. At no point do they get to talk about themselves, which is how it should be. They don't make famous people like they used to, apparently.

From the same episode: "Baby It's Cold Outside" with Miss Piggy; Swine Lake.

o hai

I just almost started absent-mindedly chewing on the end of a USB cable. A hazard of being surrounded by too much technology I suppose--you start to think of your cords as basically long, flexible pens.

Today is the kind of day in which I try to work but end up doing anything--laundry, errands, mending--instead. I've been sick since last week and the illness has settled into a kind of complacency now--I barely think about it until I hear myself speak, and realize I sound disgusting.

It is also a season for early Mandarin oranges (A little green on skin? No problem! It is real natural orange colour!) and planning trips to Vegas and re-watching all the Buffy, starting at the beginning.

Finally: this matters to no one, but there was just a big Warcraft patch and *changes were made*. Scary! But my paladin actually kicks even more ass than she did before, as if that were even possible. Evildoers beware.

Thursday, October 16, 2008


I think it's safe to say that if a foot pad could really suck toxins from your body (see Figure 1.1) while you sleep, that would really be amazing. Incredible, even. Incredible in the sense of "unbelievable." And by unbelievable I mean ridiculous. But the question remains: why would Facebook's supposedly clever targeted ads think I would be interested in these products? I mean, it specifically says in my profile that I have no unwanted hair.


Also: I heart pirate Facebook. "Hawkin'"!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Clever: You stole our Obama sign.

Hi Teh Internets!

I hope your turkey day was satisfactory. Mine certainly was! My only regret is that, flying across international borders as I did, I was unable to bring home any leftovers. I did bring home lots of new clothes though, which is almost as good--especially since they were purchased from cheap, cheap stores. (Although the Canadian dollar is not as strong as it has been recently--bad for outlet shopping.)

I got home today, went and voted quick like a bunny, and then went for a swim. I'm cooking some food now for my election-night eat-and-grumble fest. But I also have some Muppet Show DVDs to switch back and forth between during the commercials. Should be good. Muppets + Canadian election = makes more sense than you might think. The polls close in about two more hours here. I'm practicing my old-lady-style fist-shake.

I never, ever watch broadcast TV. I don't have cable and I would much rather spend my entertainment time and money on things I can structure myself--renting movies from Zip and playing WOW come to mind. Since I moved into this apartment I have tried about three times to tune my TV. Each time, I'm surprised by how poor my reception is. The only channel I get AT ALL is CBC. The sound is great, but the picture not so much--it flickers from black and white to colour if I stand in a particular place in my living room. So weird. Anyway, it'll do for tonight, and then tomorrow I can go back to watching sweet, sweet DVDs.

Anyway, the really weird thing I always forget about in regards to broadcast TV is the commercials. When you're not used to watching them they become even more surreal and irritating. I just saw one for a medication that helps heal cold sores, and it had a weird little pseudo-scientific animation, and my brain felt like it was going to implode. I feel like someone from East Berlin who somehow got across the wall and wandered into an unanticipated, sophisticated world of products.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Ephemera online

Song cycle:
Lisa Says, Candy Says, and Stephanie Says, all by the Velvet Underground.
Followed by Blake Says, by Amanda Palmer.

They gave me the wrong coffee at T-ho's this morning. Half coffee, half English Toffee is for fools. FOOLS! But you know I'm drinking it anyway because I'm a coffee slut.

yourmessagehere-- this window in Philadelphia has a sign with rotating messages submitted by website visitors. I like these:

This one is not from me but it could be:

I went shopping for shoes last week. I had decided to throw away a pair of absolutely disgusting old brown Vans which were worn right through the soles and smelled like years of rain. But the consensus among shoe stores seems to be that if you are a woman foolish and selfish enough to have large feet, you don't deserve special treatment, like access to half-sizes or actual choice of different styles. The solution: men's shoes.


I feel kind of like I defeated capitalism.

Caleb and I saw a picture with four people in it we knew, and one we didn't.
Jocelyn: And I don't know who that guy is. Do you know?
Caleb: No. I don't like that guy.
Jocelyn: But we don't even know him!
Caleb, without hesitation: No, but I think he is a bad guy.
Sorry, dude we don't know!

I leave today for Calgary, and tonight I am going to Margaret Cho! And tomorrow I fly to Tacoma for the long turkey-day weekend. I'll be around teh Interwebs though, to the extent I ever am.

Monday, October 6, 2008

And stop publishing untitled posts

Holy moley, do I ever need one of these anarchist librarian hoodies.

Jocelyn! Stop shopping!


Saturday, October 4, 2008

Since I started keeping track at the beginning of August, I've swum just over 20km! Since I only travel 15 km to work every day, that means I could have swum to work. Although not home.

I had my first taste of Rock Band last night and I think I'm addicted. The drums are the most fun, I think, although singing is fun too--I'm pretty bad at it, but I'm loud. I don't really believe in singing things quietly. I'm pretty sure that after a few hours of Rock Band, I'm ready to be a real rock star. All this other stuff is not working out for me. However, my band is only going to sing covers.

I'm going to see Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist today. I have pretty low expectations for the movie but I liked the book, plus I like Michael Cera (although he needs to play a badass serial killer or something quick, before he ends up playing sweet, awkward guys well into his 40s). If the blue kool-aid slurpee machine at the theatre is still broken, there's going to be a riot--the last two or three times I've gone there, no slurpees! What's the point?

I have Apple Genius now and I can already see it is going to be an expensive proposition for me. Downloading things out of a dynamically generated sidebar is credit card suicide. I am not all that impressed with its playlist-making capabilities though--I mean, it's pretty easy to pick things I'll like from among my own songs, since, you know, I paid money to download them.

Now playing: Amanda Palmer - Leeds United (Lounge Version)
via FoxyTunes

[I love this song.

"Who needs love
when there's Law and Order?
Who needs love
when there's Southern Comfort?
who needs love when the sandwitches are wicked
and they know you at the Mac's store?"


Thursday, October 2, 2008

So forgive me for going all corporate on you, but I consistently love buying things from the American Eagle website. You can pay for your order with Paypal. Paypal! No setting up a dumb account with another dumb store website, and having to remember another dumb password!

I'm going to the States next weekend to spend Canadian Thanksgiving with my parents and I'm thinking of ordering Planet Earth and having it shipped there so we can watch some of it over the weekend. has a funny suggestion for people who are considering buying this DVD set:

Iron Man! Why not! I mean, nature documentary violence or superhero violence... same difference basically.