Two recent additions to the lexicon

Here are two things that I have recently begun saying.

I. "Oh, come on, Bible!" On 30 Rock, Liz Lemon is delivering a reading (the standard one from Corinthians) at Floyd's wedding. She has been forced to "stall" by Jack so she starts leafing through the Bible randomly looking for passages to read, and she keeps encountering ones about spilling seed on the ground, and things like that. She gets all annoyed and is like, "Oh, come on, Bible! Help a lady out!" "Oh, come on, Bible!" has become a standard indication of irritation for me, perfect for when nothing seems to be going right.

II. "I can do anything good." Embedded below is my favourite Internet video, maybe of all time. I quote a lot of things from it, including making disjointed but enthusiastic lists of things I like (which vary from one moment to the next but usually include, "I like my husband. I like my dog. I like my garden. I like my Glee DVDs. I like my coffee.") But "I can do anything good" is my favourite. I think this little girl probably means "I can do anything well," ie., I can do a good job of anything; but I prefer the actual meaning, which is that there are good things around, and I can do all of them. I also like going, "yeah. yeah. yeah. yeah" while doing a jumpy little dance. Oh man, I need to watch it again right now.

In which I grow nostalgic for a time before I was born

I am watching season 2 of The Muppet Show right now and it consistently blows my mind. The pace of writing and production must have been absolutely frenetic, and the writing is so consistently funny and weird and cheezy, it's awesome. The episode with Rudolph Nureyev is pure gold:

I think this is from the good old days of television, when celebrities were actually expected to have talents, rather than just to appear on talk shows and talk about their opinions on natural childbirth, or macrobiotic eating, or whatever. I mean, I know Nureyev is a dancer, but still: NOBODY can tap-dance anymore. Every celebrity guest on The Muppet Show can sing and/or dance and/or act, or make balloon animals, or at least smile good-naturedly while the Muppets make puns. At no point do they get to talk about themselves, which is how it should be. They don't make famous people like they used to, apparently.

From the same episode: "Baby It's Cold Outside" with Miss Piggy; Swine Lake.

Now we can learn to act from JAMES FRANCO!

Do not forget the all-important ferberizing process.

In this awesome and educational video, Miranda July explains how buttons are made. From vbs.tv.

In case you don't have the firelog channel, or are at work

Deletia: the condom friend ever useful to you.TM

This public-service-type announcement from India makes the very good point that you will live a happier live without AIDS. The catchy song, Bollywood-style dancing, and guys dressed up as giant condoms are awesome. I also like how all the bystanders in every scene just look mildly puzzled--they probably couldn't afford to cast real extras.

Actually I watched Deepa Mehta's Water this morning so this is kind of a nice reminder that Indian culture is not all pain, suffering, and prejudice. They should probably include a version of this video on the Water DVD, in fact. Because that movie made me cry big time. (It doesn't help that I'm sick either. I am far more predisposed to burst into tears when I'm sick, because I basically lose my will to live.)

Holy animal conflict, batman!

It starts kinda slow, but don't give up on it. There are buffalo throwing lions in the air, and I am not even kidding.

4:04 pm on Friday afternoon? Are you frakkin kidding me, Internet? NO ONE is working. As far as I can tell, 1/3 of my office is currently talking about Dr. Who. I wish there was a "let's all just go home instead of pretending to work for 25 more minutes" alarm that would suddenly go off, and we could all file out instead of ashamedly watching YouTube videos and instant-messaging our friends.

Earlier: For best results, hum "The Circle of Life" from The Lion King while you watch

I will make out with Flight of the Conchords RIGHT NOW

Jonathan Coulton singing "Re: Your Brains" (a song about Zombies)

Favourite thing of the day

Jenny Owen Youngs' indie acoustic cover of Nelly's "Hot in Herre." The video is an igloo party. It's a dumb AOL video, so if it doesn't embed properly, just go there. The polar bear costumes are hottt, or whatever. And this video really speaks to me as a Canadian.

The EP is also on iTunes. She sounds kind of like the Be Good Tanyas, but with more swearing, which is awesome.

Conan: "I am listening to you, and I am nodding."

Conan interviews "Mystery," that guy who claims to be an expert in seduction. Although I'm not convinced that seduction is actually the explanation for Mystery's success. Maybe women are thinking, "if I sleep with this guy, will he leave me alone?"

LIBRARY DANCE PARTY!

My favourite part is the break-dancing librarian. And the old-school card catalogue.

lead us not into temptation

The current tagline for this site is a joke from Arrested Development, which I have just finished watching in its entirety. The Bob Loblaw Law Blog clip is on YouTube. (You may have to say it aloud to get the full impact.) It turns out there is a real guy named Robert Loblaw, and he used to run a law blog, but for some reason I don't find that as funny as I feel I should.

Depictions of grad students on The Simpsons

The source material might be a little sparse for an actual thesis, but I haven't given up hope...

Seriously, though, I made way more than $600 last year. $900, at least.

Kids & Money: clips from a documentary by Lauren Greenfield about kids, consumption and materialism in Los Angeles.

Peter Sellers on the Muppet Show

Monday link brigade

Much as its name implies, weird converter.com converts things from a normal unit--say, a centimetre--to a weird unit. Or from a weird unit to a weird unit. Like for example an american cockroach, a Shaquille O'Neill, or a placenta. For example, there is .55 Tom Cruises (in weight) to 1 Jennifer Aniston. The height comparison would be more like 1.1:1, probably. Wait, did I get that backwards? Fractions have never been my strength, or my calling.

Knowledge Navigation: this video explains Apple's vision for the future. Nothing that exciting about that. But it's from the 80s, which makes it funny.

Useful household tips: this video shows how to fold over a chip bag to preserve freshness and avoid chip-spilling embarrassment. Without any kind of external technology! Impress your friends, and strike fear into the hearts of your enemies.

Three sites related to strange geography: strange maps, a blog that collects the titular items; blind atlas, which discusses the geography of invisible places; and VirtualAni, about the deserted Armenian city.

Bonus link: Brazilian artist Icaro Doria uses flags as graphs that show statistics about their countries.

My friend Parker made this movie a long time ago. It is awesome, and now, it is on YouTube, along with the rest of the output of Western civilization.

I know the guy who makes this perfect office mini-golf shot. This is my brush with fame.

Meghan pointed me in the direction of this series of "shitty zoo" comics, courtesy of Natalie Dee: 1 2 3 4 5 6

She also has a video detailing how to prepare an Appalachian delicacy known as weiner wings. I'm thinking that if you cooked up some of these with a nice batch of prison wine, you would have the perfect meal.