When Animals Attack Magicians, part 34,286

Holy moley, this is amazing: Caught on camera: hippos kill crocodile in rare clash. I don't know what it is about African animals, but they're like Transformers: I love watching them fight.

And bonus points for "Unidentified blue fungi"

holy moley: Seattle man used Limewire for identity theft. What's sad about this article is that there is no hacking involved at all--this guy used limewire to copy files that people had IN THEIR SHARED FOLDERS. Keeping ur data safe on teh internets: ur doin it wrong.

I also enjoyed this one: Giant meat-eating plant found. Meat-eating plants are inherently cool, but this one is doubly cool because it is named for David Attenborough. In future versions of Planet Earth, he should get 40 seconds to show his plant eating, like, a ferret, and then lapse into OMG MY PLANT?!? freaking-out enthusiasm before he regains his normal air of erudite calm. David Attenborough: you have 40 seconds to be really, really excited. GO!

saddest novelty news story of the day: the same-sex penguin couple at the San Francisco Zoo broke up, reportedly over a girl penguin.

I think you will find that if you search the Massachusetts Bay Trading Co. website for "lobster" you will find 42 potential Christmas gifts for me. I am particularly intrigued by these gummi lobsters. You can also buy actual lobsters from them, although sending lobsters through the mail is not something I can endorse.

Last night James and I watched the first disc of Planet Earth, the BBC documentary about animals. It is now my favourite movie, and I was already on Amazon trying to figure out the best possible collector's-and-or-gift-set package in which to buy it. I took a controversial stance: "You know what I think are cute? Baby animals." You can count on me to make those tough judgement calls. About cuteness, and other issues.

I've been very very busy at work. It's fun, though. How many people get to have a job where they feel like a superhero every day? Yeah. I feel guilty.

Attention, The Internet:

I would like to bring your attention to an adorable puppy, born without front legs, who now gets around with a little body harness and model airplane wheels. Built for her FREE OF CHARGE, because, as everyone knows, puppies do not have health insurance. I was having a really bad, tired day today, but I feel about 15% better just from this one photo. The world is not the worst ever, as I had previously thought.

That is all.

A whale and a dolphin could fall in love...

This is pretty much the most adorable thing I have ever read in my life: dolphin rescues stranded whales.

I needed some cute animal cheering up because I seem to be operating at 40% of my normal brain capacity. When I was walking to work this morning, I stopped at a red light, and when the little white man appeared, I thought: I can't move. I am actually too tired to start walking again. Then I did start walking again, but just barely. Then, when I got to work, I rode the elevator to the top of my building because I forgot to get off. Yep.

Also Lawrence Lessig apparently told off Andrew Keen (Internet critic and author of the book Cult of the Amateur) at a conference last weekend. I find Keen's online presence HILARIOUS and HYPOCRITICAL. I mean, for a guy who hates everything 2.0, the guy sure blogs enthusiastically. Anyway, I love Lawrence Lessig. His book The Future of Ideas changed my teh internets life. (Along with Siva Vaidhyanathan's Copyrights and Copywrongs.)

The funniest Go Fug Yourself I have read in quite awhile. JT [nonexistent emoticon that represents the "forever," a 4 where the middle bar of the 4 turns into an arrow]

Holy animal conflict, batman!

It starts kinda slow, but don't give up on it. There are buffalo throwing lions in the air, and I am not even kidding.

4:04 pm on Friday afternoon? Are you frakkin kidding me, Internet? NO ONE is working. As far as I can tell, 1/3 of my office is currently talking about Dr. Who. I wish there was a "let's all just go home instead of pretending to work for 25 more minutes" alarm that would suddenly go off, and we could all file out instead of ashamedly watching YouTube videos and instant-messaging our friends.

Earlier: For best results, hum "The Circle of Life" from The Lion King while you watch

Today is Armadillo Friday! [A May I Suggest You Buy This special edition!]

Armadillo(e?)s are one of my favourite animals. This affection dates back to the day a cute boy from the zoo visited the Centre for Kids Who Can't Read Good and brought a selection of portable, non-poisonous animals for the underprivileged children to touch. Did you know that armadillos are basically MODULAR? When they are in their scared-of-underprivileged-children-form, they fold up into cute, little armadillo balls! They remind me of LEGO, or Scandinavian furniture, oh yes indeed. So today, because it is Friday afternoon and I don't feel like working, I present a special edition of May I Suggest You Buy This? with an armadillo theme. W00t. If you don't want to buy these things for yourself, I suggest you buy them for me, but not the onesie--it will never fit.

From the left: Victorian Armadillo Print, $18 from Sweet Annie Jeanne
Roadkill Love shirt, $15 from echeLE
Armadillo onesie, $12 from Mama Monkey
Armadillo with Attitude notecards, $3 from Time 2 Cre8.

Linky Mondays--On Tuesday?!?

Earlier I mentioned that 7-Elevens are being converted to Kwik-E-Marts as advertising for the Simpsons movie. This Flickr photoset shows one of the converted stores. I'm sad because it is more obviously Simpsons-y than I had hoped it would be, and less cinema verite. I wanted to walk into one of these 7-Elevens and think, "Whoa, this is like being in a real-life Kwik-E-Mart," not, "Wow, this is like being in a giant commercial for the upcoming Simpsons movie." Simpsons movie: I'm watching you. And I'm wearing my "Worst Episode Ever" shirt.

A sad article about the state of Romanian zoos. Romania's entry into the EU has meant tougher regulations for zoos. My favourite part is the allegation that "less valuable zoo animals had been killed as food for more expensive reptiles." Stupid expensive reptiles! God loves all the animals, even the smaller lemurs and muskrats!

Joss Whedon, aka Jocelyn's TV Hero, is auctioning off a number of items for charity, including a dinner with him in San Diego during ComciCon. Described as "Three hours of intimate conversation, hilarious anecdotes and dark, awkwardly personal secrets." Hot. (Although, I'm not convinced that dinner with Joss Whedon would be that great an experience. I have never had any desire to meet celebrities, even the ones I really admire. I don't want them to sign things, or pose for pictures with me, or anything. Mainly, I want to watch the films and television shows they make in the comfort of my air-conditioned living room. Maybe I'm just not that kind of fan.) (The auctions support Equality Now, which advocates for women's rights. Again, hot.)

Today is Tuesday, but it's like an honourary Monday, because it was a long weekend. I like Canada Day. It reminds me of Canada. I also like July, because it is a three-paycheque month. However, I do not like Tuesday. It makes me uncomfortably hot. Also, I am engrossed in the third season of Arrested Development and the first season of Lost. Did I mention how air-conditioned my apartment is? Le sigh.

19th-century weapon found in whale [Yahoo news].

"Embedded deep under its blubber was a 3 1/2-inch arrow-shaped projectile that has given researchers insight into the whale's age, estimated between 115 and 130 years old."

Cool.

A fishtank rut.

I seem to be in this fishtank rut I can't get out of, so I'll just roll with it. Via design blogger Josh Spear, the three-room (three-bowl?) fish condo.

My friend Courtney was just on a fishing trip and she informed me that she has exacted partial revenge for me by catching a bunch of fish. That's a relief. There are still a lot left though, messing with us. (The fish in this picture is the same kind of fish that I used to have, Mr. Mixxx. He was evil, and to be honest, I never would have purchased him such a nice home.)

I'm at work and I can't say that I am getting all that much done, although I have started using google calendar to keep track of my various obligations. It's OK-fun. I do get to make my appointments orange, and that's important. But I would like to not have all 24 hours of the day visible for every day--it's disorienting. As in, "2 AM? Aren't I supposed to be sleeping at 2 AM?" Who has things scheduled at 2 AM, besides hookers? And sub-question, do hookers really have any use for google calendar?

I need a project. A quilt, a wall to paint, a book to write, or something.

Another wacky fishtank, this one integrating some bird wackiness. Don't ask me why I keep finding these--I don't look for them. The Internet brings them to me. This one is from a Belgian art gallery, although I can't find how to get to it from the main site.

You gotta figure the birds are really weirded out. I mean, fish are not smart enough to be weirded out, but the birds are like, "whoaaaaa."

Previous post: 09/04/07

a funny thing happened on the way to the work-um

1. Yesterday, on the way to work, I walked by one of the residence entrances. There were clear signs that someone had just broken up with World of Warcraft. In a sad, wet pile outside the door were the game box, the game manual, the installation CDs, the activation code, everything. The CDs were broken and the manual pages had been torn out, as if in a rage. I tried to take on the persona of the girlfriend who had thrown the game either down the stairs or out the window, and thought, I swear to God, Curtis, it's that game or me. (Curtis is the name of my dwarf hunter's flesh-eating bird, so it also seemed like a good name for my imaginary warcraft-addicted boyfriend.)

2. Today, I brought my camera to work in hopes of photographing the warcraft break-up fuselage, but it was gone. I did, however, almost trip over a tiny baby bunny:

I was thinking that rabbits need to use better survival behaviours. I mean, just because you live on a university campus, does not mean you can become completely complacent about preserving your species. Someone might step on your young if you just leave them lying around. Anyway, I followed the cheezy nature rule about taking nothing but photos and leaving nothing but footprints. Oh, and I left some garbage strewn around to give the bunny something to hide under. And technically I also used about 40 trees' worth of paper, printing conference programmes.

I think baby bunnies have the same attitude toward potential predators that baby humans have toward adult humans: if I can't see you, you don't exist. I mean, this bunny was about two feet away from me and it was obstinately staring in the other direction, as if to say, lalalalalala! I'm not listening! It was lucky I am such a great humanitarian. Err, rabbitarian.

It doesn't have quite the ring of "Sharkumentary," but... BelugaCam!

I find this very relaxing: The belugas at the Vancouver aquarium

Pigeon update

There are two of the little bastards now, huddling under the tarp on my bike like dirty rats of the air. I don't trust those pigeons as far as I can throw them. And I live on the 9th floor, so that is pretty far.

Previous post: more fish fulfilment

More fish fulfilment

this video from Japan shows how a restaurant uses live goldfish to clean its deep-fryer. Uh-huh. That's all I got.

I am annotating like a mofo. And I have my laser printer set to 'stun.' Yep, it's that time of the semester, when I start begging people to come over to my house with pizza. In 48 hours all this madness will be over and then I will be back, a-swingin', ready to update 1,000,000 times a day. I have no job you know!

A joke I read on the internet today: "Hand over that calculator. Friends don't let friends derive drunk."

Oh, I am engaged in a bitter battle of wits with a pigeon that is trying to move into my balcony. There is only one now, but I know there will soon be more if I let him get away with any of his crazy pigeon bullshit. I have considered shooting the pigeon with a water gun (which would involve buying a water gun) and feeding it rice so it explodes. If these options sound cruel, consider that I have already begun throwing rocks at it, so it's not like cruelty is uncharacteristic. Can you eat pigeon? I am thinking if I succeeded in killing and eating this pigeon, the others would see that they are not welcome. The only way to beat a pigeon is to show it you are its master.

Ohhhhh, that pigeon never should have gotten up in my face. I am going to beat it down. Not only am I bigger and stronger; I have opposable thumbs, a dizzying intellect, and MOST IMPORTANTLY persistance. I didn't get to the top of the food chain to eat salad and listen to incessant cooing.

She looks like Eva Marie Saint, in On the Waterfront

Meta spam-scam: Africa$h: Helping you make the best Nigerian investments. For the email recepient who is gullible, yet busy.

People who know me well know that I have fish issues. Fish and I have a love/hate relationship; I love them, they hate me. Plus sometimes I hate them. So here are three recent fishtanks I have seen online that fascinate and terrify me: this one lets the fish swim all around the room, Habitrail-style, and this one lets the fish swim into little holes so they can be touched or fed by hand. (Holes which they could, conceivably, jump out of. I'm just saying.) Finally, this one lets the fish watch you pee. (Which sort of makes sense; that way when they die, you don't have to worry about dripping gross fish-water on the floor en-route from tank to toilet.) Either way, I think we need to think a little harder about this. I mean, we're totally letting the fish infiltrate our homes even further. You have to watch fish. You never know what they're going to do--tricky little bastards. They could be planning anything.

Oh, Internet. You always find a way to cheer me up.

From The Best of Craigslist: Free: The Worst Cat. "If you have small pets such as rodents or fish, he will probably find a way to kill them." The whole best of craiglist list is actually really funny.

SHARKumentary!

So James and I saw Sharkwater last night, and it was not bad. I mean, I learned a fair bit and felt monumentally guilty about my ecological footprint at the end, so I guess it achieved its purpose. But I can't help thinking that environmentalists, especially environmentalists who make movies, would benefit from diluting their sincerity and earnestness with a little irony or humour or even cynicism. As a not-necessarily-representative member of Generation Y, or whatever we are called, I would like to see my ironic po-mo hipster lifestyle reflected back to me by the films I watch. By the end of this movie, I thought if I heard the words "I had to save the sharks" one more time, I would literally get out my iPod. You know what really livens up a documentary? Environmentalists telling dirty jokes, or updating their MySpace pages, or humming the theme from JAWS. Give me SOMETHING.

By far the most interesting part of this movie, to me, was when a ship from the Sea Shepherd Conservation Society blasted an illegal Costa Rican fishing boat with water cannons and then rammed into them. Spanish swearing! Adventure at sea! And that, profound activist statement aside, is funny. Michael Moore already knows this secret.

We are all implicated:

Jocelyn: Do you know what bugs me even more than DRM-crippled music downloads?
James: What?
Jocelyn: In the time we've been talking about digital rights management, FIFTEEN MORE SHARKS HAVE BEEN KILLED FOR THEIR FINS.
James: STOP KILLING SHARKS, JOCELYN!

Earlier post in the Nature Documentaries Saga: For best results, hum "The circle of life" from The Lion King as you watch.

For best results, hum "the circle of life" from The Lion King while you watch.

I may just be feeling particularly vulnerable today, but this video from national geographic almost made me cry. A hippo and an antelope can fall in love, but where would they live?

glumbert.com - Hippo defends antelope from the jaws of a crocodile

Man, nature stresses me out. "The younger animals have not yet learned that the same waters that support life... can also bring DEATH."

From the archives: "At the time, under the veneer of sloshed cynicism, I couldn't help thinking how different things would be if we were watching the seal documentary. "The seal has finally found a meal, ensuring her survival for another harsh Antarctic winter." Well, maybe I don't want to be on Team Penguin, Morgan! Maybe I want to be on Team Seal!"