Meghan pointed me in the direction of this series of "shitty zoo" comics, courtesy of Natalie Dee: 1 2 3 4 5 6

She also has a video detailing how to prepare an Appalachian delicacy known as weiner wings. I'm thinking that if you cooked up some of these with a nice batch of prison wine, you would have the perfect meal.

Things you can buy for $1, installment 1,046

I treat Meghan really nicely, and she buys me all these icees.

a funny thing happened on the way to the work-um

1. Yesterday, on the way to work, I walked by one of the residence entrances. There were clear signs that someone had just broken up with World of Warcraft. In a sad, wet pile outside the door were the game box, the game manual, the installation CDs, the activation code, everything. The CDs were broken and the manual pages had been torn out, as if in a rage. I tried to take on the persona of the girlfriend who had thrown the game either down the stairs or out the window, and thought, I swear to God, Curtis, it's that game or me. (Curtis is the name of my dwarf hunter's flesh-eating bird, so it also seemed like a good name for my imaginary warcraft-addicted boyfriend.)

2. Today, I brought my camera to work in hopes of photographing the warcraft break-up fuselage, but it was gone. I did, however, almost trip over a tiny baby bunny:

I was thinking that rabbits need to use better survival behaviours. I mean, just because you live on a university campus, does not mean you can become completely complacent about preserving your species. Someone might step on your young if you just leave them lying around. Anyway, I followed the cheezy nature rule about taking nothing but photos and leaving nothing but footprints. Oh, and I left some garbage strewn around to give the bunny something to hide under. And technically I also used about 40 trees' worth of paper, printing conference programmes.

I think baby bunnies have the same attitude toward potential predators that baby humans have toward adult humans: if I can't see you, you don't exist. I mean, this bunny was about two feet away from me and it was obstinately staring in the other direction, as if to say, lalalalalala! I'm not listening! It was lucky I am such a great humanitarian. Err, rabbitarian.

EVIL?

Welcome to HiddenPassageway.com - There is no fantasy. This company sells bookshelves that are really doors, and my favourite, fireplaces with a swivelling back to facilitate access to your secret room(s). Which, based on my extensive TV- and movie-watching, will contain one or more of the following:

a. a safe room where you will hide out when Dwight Yokam breaks in to your home.
b. a theme room based around your favourite sexual perversion.
c. a room where you store all your valuables, especially priceless artifacts, rare books, and objects with magical powers.
d. your underground lair.
e. the pantry.

I totally copied Matt and took the daemon quiz from the Golden Compass movie website. This little questionnaire below is supposed to confirm the results of this quiz. This represents a surprising commitment to accountability, considering that these tests usually ask you four questions before offering a seemingly deep analysis of your personality. Anyway, here's your chance to tell the truth about me.... but if you make me lose my monkey, I am holding you personally responsible.

It's probably hard to say whether I am really modest. That is the one I had the most problems with. I mean, I'm kind of conceited, but only superficially.

love like a sunburn

These men's magazine lists, written by female celebrities, infuriate me. You know what I'm talking about: "This month in Maxim: A supermodel writes a list! Because she is not smart enough to write a whole article!" I am sorry, but just because you have starred in a sitcom, EVEN IF IT RAN FOR 10 YEARS LONGER THAN IT SHOULD HAVE, that does not qualify you to speak on behalf of all women. Especially when your attempts to clarify gender differences are based on the same tired cliches that these types of lists have been based on since, oh, 1952. I'm sorry, but "men don't listen" and "women like to shop" don't cut it anymore. Get with the program, MSN!

dangerous developments, and blog performance anxiety

1. So, I think Facebook is leading directly to the fragmentation of my grasp of my own sense of self-worth. For non-Facebook users, on Facebook you have a little one-sentence status thing you can use "to keep your friends updated on your status." Examples would be, "Joey Facebook is at the library," or, "Stephanie SocialNetworking is networking, because she knows that is what you have to do to get a job." These sentences have to start with "your name is," which can lead to some strange grammatical constructions. (Some people just ignore the "is," but I think that's cheating.) As if writing long blog entries about my sense of well-being wasn't bad enough, I now feel this constant compulsion to describe my situations (emotional and otherwise) in pithy, one-sentence third-person phrases. Recent selections (only some of them actually posted to Facebook) include:

• Jocelyn is tired of the theme song from Medium.
• Jocelyn is drunk and annotating.
• Jocelyn is anxious
• [quickly followed by...] Jocelyn is relieved
• Jocelyn is awash in nostalgia and uneasiness
• Jocelyn is having trouble thinking of things to blog about
• Jocelyn is not making constructive emotional choices
• Jocelyn is not making constructive nutritional choices
• Jocelyn is mourning ends of things
• Jocelyn is spending too much time doing nothing and not enough time doing something
• Jocelyn is taking some small comfort in daily acts of meaning and negotiation
• Jocelyn is looking for crested merchandidse
• Jocelyn is smoke and rice paper
• Jocelyn is running out of money
• Jocelyn is updating her ziplist
• Jocelyn is being OCD about music (Snow Patrol- Set the fire to the third bar; Hawksley Workman- Love will tear us apart; The Decemberists- We both go down together. Over and over again. For days.)
• [and my personal favourite] Jocelyn is lost.

The thing is, this micro-focus does not help me at all. I think it may actually make things worse.

2. Things you can buy for $1, part infinity:



See "poor nutritional choices," above.

The Monday link list--now sometimes on Wednesdays!

Besides the end of the world, I have some healthier obsessions, and one is correspondence. Thus, open letters, a website I just discovered. Particularly good are the letters by a woman who identifies herself as x, who writes to the absent father of her son about his adolescence. The author has since been revealed to be Winnipeg author Miriam Toews.

History of the Fisher Price airplane. "In 1951, Stalin had reiterated his call for "one of the toughest engineering problems facing our nation" -- a plane that could carry a dad, a mom, their family, and the dog to a playground in Irkutsk." Tee hee.

howtopedia is a new DIY resource site with projects and tips like "how to make chocolate," "what to do with tin cans," and "how to build a small wind turbine." Just yesterday, I had the urge to build a small wind turbine, but I didn't have the information I needed to do so. Plus, I immediately decided I would rather watch Medium.

hometown baghdad is an interesting documentary series on life in Iraq.

how meta.

AttenTV turns Web surfing into eerie spectator sport [cnet news]. A new web service lets you watch as other people surf the web. And this is construed as entertainment. Uh-huh.

I am picturing someone watching me use the Internet. "uh-huh... she's consulting 19th-century literary biographies... wait, she's visiting Facebook again? Screw this. I'm going to watch TV."

"everything around her is a silver pool of light" -KT Tunstall

I collect websites about abandoned urban spaces. This is related to my obsession with the end of the world, or with apocalyptic events which pretty much put an end to humanity in general--an obsession which is strong enough to mean I even enjoyed watching The Day After Tomorrow. (As well as some better end-of-the-world obsessed things, like Douglas Coupland's Life After God.) Thus: urban curators, the vanishing point and abandoned places.

"The SCREAM meme suggests that we're so ironic that we can't even take our own apocalypse-- our lurking sense, on the eve of the future, of social disintegration and simmering discontent-- seriously. This is the moment Walter Benjamin warned us of, when humankind's 'self-alienation' reaches 'such a degree that it can experience its own destruction as an aesthetic pleasure of the first order.'" -Fighting the Forces

"The dead rose! We should've at least had an assembly!" -Xander, Buffy

[from the archives]

15 Things Kurt Vonnegut Said Better Than Anyone Else Ever Has Or Will | The A.V. Club

In the days since Kurt Vonnegut's death, I have seen a lot of articles about, and memorials to, him online. This is the best one I've seen so far, at least in that I think it captures both the depth and the irreverent humour I remember about his books. 15 Things Kurt Vonnegut Said Better Than Anyone Else Ever Has Or Will | The A.V. Club.

My favourite is from Cat's Cradle: "She was a fool, and so am I, and so is anyone who thinks he sees what God is doing."

my love of thinking about myself over-rules my hatred of facebook/myspace/blog memes.

A- AVAILABLE: romantically? no. at this moment, in terms of not doing anything? yes. obviously. Since I am filling out this crazy acrostic quiz.

B - BIRTHDAY: Dec. 23

C - CRUSHING: I have minor crushes on people that usually only last a few seconds or minutes. I have had a crush on James for six years. That may be cheesy, but I don't care. You can suck it up, Internet.

D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: As I type this I am drinking sugar-free Fresca. It is one of the things I inexplicably buy at the grocery store, like Peek Freans cookies. If we are talking alcoholic drinks, then it would probably be a white russian. I drink them while I do dishes, and pretend to be a glamorous 1950s housewife. It passes the time.

E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: This is a hard one. I have a pretty easy time talking to almost everyone. The best three are Meghan, Courtney, and James. All three of them know me so well I barely even have to talk.

F - FAVOURITE BAND: It changes all the time. I saw Snow Patrol a couple weeks ago, and they were amazing, so that is as good an answer as anything.

G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: Worms. More surface area.

H - HOMETOWN: Edmonton. I was born in Vancouver and grew up in Toronto and Regina, but this is home for me now.

I - INSTRUMENT: I used to play the piano when I was small. I hated lessons with a fiery vengeance. My mom always told me I would appreciate being able to play, and if I gave it up I would regret it later. But eventually she tired of fighting with me about it and I was allowed to quit. Now I (predictably) regret it.

J - JUGGLE: I juggle ideologies.

K - KILLED SOMEONE: Nope, although I have killed more pet fish than I can count. I have also killed houseplants, although many of them came from IKEA and thus were probably doomed. How can healthy plants come from IKEA? There is no full-spectrum light! I'm just saying.

L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: This is difficult. I really have no sense of distance. I have driven from Toronto to Price Edward Island, and from Regina to Toronto.

M - MILKSHAKE FLAVOUR: Chocolate. I'm a purist.

N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: 1 (a little sister)

O - ONE WISH: I would probably wish for some property on which to build a house, which is weird, I guess, but isn't that what these lists are designed to do--make us feel unique?

P- PERSON WHO CALLED YOU LAST: My parents. At least it wasn't a telemarketer or something

Q- QUICKIE? Um, is that a question? Like, would I like a quickie? I am busy filling out this form. Also, I have a headache. No, for real.

R - REASON TO SMILE: I just ordered two posters on the Internet that are making me smile: one for the band The Decemberists, and one is a reproduction of a WWII poster that says "Keep Calm and Carry On."

S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD: A Northern Chorus- Remembrance Day

T - TIME YOU WOKE UP: I woke up at 8:30, which is about perfect for me. If I can wake up between 8 and 8:30, I am content. The later, or earlier, the grumpier.

U - UNDERWEAR: Generally, I am in favour of underwear. I like brightly coloured underwear, trashy underwear, and boys' underwear (when it is being worn by boys) (not that I am opposed to girls wearing boys' underwear, if they want).

V - VEGETABLE YOU HATE: I don't really hate any vegetable. I don't really like turnips, or asparagus. But I would hardly say I hate them. I'm just not that kind of girl--that's not how I roll!

W - WORST HABIT: Um.... allowing myself to be paralyzed by fear of failure and/or apathy. Is that too honest? If this were a job interview, I would probably say, "I'm just such a perfectionist! Nothing is ever good enough for me!" But to be honest, I think my inability to motivate myself to do things is my worst trait. If I don't care about something, then good luck. A good real-world example of this is the fact that the only 'A's I have gotten in library school have been in the four classes I liked the best.

X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: I shudder to think how many X-rays I have had. Dozens. Dental x-rays, x-rays of my kidneys, x-rays when I broke my arm. Can we change this question to something else that starts with X? Like "X-Rated movies you've watched?" I don't like to think about the radiation.

Y - YOUR NUMBER OF FRIENDS ON FACEBOOK: I think I have 59 friends at present. I didn't even know I knew that many people, since I am not very friendly. And I know at least three people who are not even on facebook!

Z- ZODIAC SIGN: Capricorn. Here is what the Internet has to say about my astrological sign:

"Capricorns are among the responsible and traditional Signs. They are generally reserved, careful, and stable. Sometimes they may be overly critical, even bossy, but this is due to their strong desire to achieve their goals and not to a desire to be rude. In fact, Capricorns are generally polite because they understand that making enemies will not help them achieve in life." -some random astrology website

Ummm, bossy? I have no idea what these people are talking about. Seriously, though, I don't believe in astrology at all, but I am still pissed off by the description of Capricorns. Based on every profile I have ever read of them, I am among the most boring people in the world. Well, I reject it. I'm such a rebel. From now on, I declare my zodiac sign to be "Pirate."

projects for the lost

books 002, originally uploaded by jocelynb.

This is a little handmade book I created out of pages from the Family Circle Do-It-Yourself Encyclopedia. It is probably not finished although it is hard to say for sure. The project on the cover is a handy-cabinet for wholesome yard storange. I got to use my glitter markers. That is all.

If anyone wants one I will make one for you. I'm not kidding.

PerpetuSpam: submit the name of someone you hate, and they will be spammed into perpetuity. This is using the power of the Internet to its full potential.

Yesterday James and I were driving down Whyte Ave. and by Alternative Video there was this really sad-looking homeless guy sleeping on a bench. He looked cold and he had all kinds of crap stuffed inside his sweater. We both looked at him very pityingly, which rapidly turned to anger when we got to the end of the block and his shopping cart was parked IN THE ROAD, and a whole lane of traffic was having to compromise with an oncoming lane to avoid it. Way to lose your goodwill, homeless guy!

the inaugural strawberries of summer

Eco-friendly coffins

LifeArt makes coffins that are personalized, and made of cardboard so they biodegrade. Unfortunately, a lot of them have designs that resemble those inspirational workplace posters that say things like "PERSEVERENCE." (Although that would not apply to either dead people or biodegradable coffins, to state the obvious.)

EcoCoffins also makes cardboard coffins. I like the orange ones, of course. They're still kind of expensive though-- beginning at 2800 pounds, which is what, $6000 Canadian? I can't afford to die, obviously.

Earlier post: Because I could not stop for death,/He kindly stopped for me...

Good news for unbaptized babies everywhere!

Catholic Church abolishes limbo [From Radio New Zealand news]

One Sentence - True stories, told in one sentence. Some of them are quite silly but others are downright poignant.

I have attempted to write one, which relates to my earlier post. What it lacks in poeticism, it makes up for in directness, in my opinion.

The solution was pizza.

It doesn't have quite the ring of "Sharkumentary," but... BelugaCam!

I find this very relaxing: The belugas at the Vancouver aquarium