Wednesday, April 11, 2007

More fish fulfilment

this video from Japan shows how a restaurant uses live goldfish to clean its deep-fryer. Uh-huh. That's all I got.

I am annotating like a mofo. And I have my laser printer set to 'stun.' Yep, it's that time of the semester, when I start begging people to come over to my house with pizza. In 48 hours all this madness will be over and then I will be back, a-swingin', ready to update 1,000,000 times a day. I have no job you know!

A joke I read on the internet today: "Hand over that calculator. Friends don't let friends derive drunk."

Oh, I am engaged in a bitter battle of wits with a pigeon that is trying to move into my balcony. There is only one now, but I know there will soon be more if I let him get away with any of his crazy pigeon bullshit. I have considered shooting the pigeon with a water gun (which would involve buying a water gun) and feeding it rice so it explodes. If these options sound cruel, consider that I have already begun throwing rocks at it, so it's not like cruelty is uncharacteristic. Can you eat pigeon? I am thinking if I succeeded in killing and eating this pigeon, the others would see that they are not welcome. The only way to beat a pigeon is to show it you are its master.

Ohhhhh, that pigeon never should have gotten up in my face. I am going to beat it down. Not only am I bigger and stronger; I have opposable thumbs, a dizzying intellect, and MOST IMPORTANTLY persistance. I didn't get to the top of the food chain to eat salad and listen to incessant cooing.

3 comments:

alea said...

my parents had a problem with magpies in their backyard. So they set up traps. Apparently, when you catch and kill one, you're supposed to leave it out for a couple days as a kind of "warning" to other magpies. I'm not saying it's the best solution, but maybe you can get your hands on a dead bird to put on the balcony...

prolix said...

Like, do you think I could just use chicken parts from the grocery store? Or ground turkey? (I have some in the freezer.) Or are those too far removed from being actual birds to be useful as warnings?

I am going to try the water-gun thing first. Basically, it's an excuse because I have always wanted a watergun, anyway. I can also use it to shoot conservatives.

alea said...

They might see the ground turkey as a peace offering. And then what would have your hands? Cannibalistic pigeons. You could be ground zero for "mad flying rat disease." Now, is that something you really want on your conscious? Is it?