Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Probably-not-meant-to-be-funny song lyrics I cannot not laugh at

1. the Sean Kingston song that contains the line, "shorty fire burning on the dance floor." (And they say it so many times!) SAFETY!

2. "Her heart's been gone awhile, with the truck-driving man that took it." I never get tired of this Everlast song. Because it is liquid awesome.

3. It's in his kiss: "In his warm embrace? Oh no, that's just his arm." LOL.

4. "She's going to join the roster." They had to say this because it rhymes with "great imposter." It always cracks me up because I imagine some kind of clipboard, with the names of heartbroken women on it.

5. Whatever You Like: It's hard to figure out exactly what he's saying, but it's something like, "your brain's so good could'a swore you went to college." (Actually, I love the Anya Marina cover of this song, like, for real--but it belongs on another list, "Hip Hop songs that sound INSANE and psychotic and hateful of women when sung acoustically," along with the Ben Folds Five version of Bitches Ain't Shit and the Jenny Owens Young version of Hot In Herre.)

6. Honey. The whole song. This is kind of a different case because what I find about the song is how inadvertently patronizing and sort of borderline abusive it is. Like, "She came running in, all excited, slipped and almost hurt herself; and I laughed till I cried..." Hey narrator, are you supposed to come out of this looking like a good guy?

7. Fergie, Fergilicious: "My body stay vicious/I be up in the gym just working on my fitness."

8. Fancy. All of it. Are country songs fair game? The video is actually even better than the song by itself, because it takes the song SO LITERALLY.

9. the part of "Can't Hold Us Down" that goes, "you need to let him know that his game is whack/And Lil Kim and Christina Aguilera got your back." I tell James this all the time, but for some reason I get the feeling he isn't taking me seriously. (The video is good too. Christina's short-shorts scream empowerment! If only more gender inequality issues could be solved with a nice, wholesome dance-off in the hood.)

Honourable mention: Bell XI, in Rocky Took a Lover: "If there was a God, then why is my arse/The perfect height for kicking?" (Only honourary because I think this is actually meant to be kind of funny. However they are my new favourite band so I had to work them in somehow)

I know it seems like I'm making fun of oldies, but you have to understand, I mock only what I love. Someday I'm going to become a DJ on an AM oldies station, and people are going to call me and hum the song they can't figure out. I will be the Classic Rock Reference Librarian.

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