Sure-fire signs that I am having a bad day

1. I cut my hair on a whim. I had a dream last night that I cut my hair, and I woke up, and I was like, I should cut my hair! And then I DID. That's what passes for inspiration these days, folks.


2. I got said hair cut at West Edmonton Mall, and it cost $18, and when I paid for it, the woman told me, "You need your eyebrows waxed," and offered to wax them for a few dollars extra. Like I am some kind of body-hair pity case. What happened to the customer always being right? When I told her that I didn't want my eyebrows waxed, she sort of scrutinized me, as if she were trying to figure out of I was ignorant, miserly, or just retarded.


3. With said hair cut I now look exactly, and I do mean EXACTLY, the way I did in fifth grade. Except in fifth grade I was not allowed to have my nose pierced, and to tell you the truth, I don't think the thought would have even occurred to me at the time.


4. I accidentally wrote a whole paper on the wrong topic. I am not kidding.


5. I went to this information session about job interviews today, and I realized, as if it was a message from God (*Zoolander talking into his tiny phone* "God?") that I am never going to get a job. My pre-workshop idealism and ignorance were far preferable to the state of career-related misery in whcih I now find myself.


6. On the way to West Edmonton Mall, on the bus, enroute (unbeknownst to me) to be verbally abused my a Chinese woman with bouffant blonde hair, there was a very old man. He was a thousand years old. He wanted to get off downtown, but the bus was an SuperExpress bus, and they never stop. He had to go all the way to the west end because he could not get off the bus. (a)I felt sorry for him, and this made me depressed. (b) Then I realized that the ancient man who cannot get the bus to stop is like a metaphor for my entire life. (c) Then I felt sorry for myself, and also like I was being sort of melodramatic and Mariah-Carey-ish.


7. I am watching Mysterious Skin, and it's good except it's very upsetting. And for the past three days I have been walking around feeling sort of dirty and sad, thinking about sexual abuse, in this kind of sexual-abuse-funk. If you have never had that feeling, let me tell you: it is not a good one.

Making this list relieved 12% of my self-pity but only 4% of my inner turmoil.